Bobbing Along in the 80s and 90s

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Ninian Park's First Executive Box

The Executive Box

I first went to Ninian Park in March 1974. My father had decided that we needed to spend some ‘quality time’ together after I was nearly killed in a traffic accident. What better way than a sporting event? After ignoring my pleas to go to a Rugby match, Dad chose football.

Cardiff City’s reputation for violence and hooliganism was fully established by 1974. To ease me in to the Ninian Park experience, which I fully expected to be vaguely traumatising and possibly ending up with stitches, we sat in the Grandstand close to the Grange End (also known as the ‘Boys Enclosure’). Common consent was that you had to be bordering on psychopathic to watch your football from that enclosure.

Middlesbrough were the opponents and City won 3-2. Cardiff were, to my utter disbelief, frankly excellent and I loved every minute. I was 10 years old and ‘The Goodies’ were on telly that night so it was pretty much a perfect day.

The game was not 10 minutes old and Cardiff 2-0 up before I realized my father was not a typical football fan. He appeared to be on an unspoken mission to be awarded the accolade of being the most undemonstrative man in the crowd. His expression and demeanour did not change during the entire match, no matter how thrilling or controversial the action.

There were no replica shirts in the Grange End; only scarves, flared trousers and Dr Marten boots. As I was dressed head to toe in polyester and didn’t own any of these items, I didn’t think the Grange End was the place for me. In fact, I considered it noisy and evil as it was full of ‘bigger boys’ with knives. I thought that going in there would lead to my death.

Smaller boys, foolish or brave enough to go in the Grange, were robbed of their sweet money, mugged for their shoes and bullied for their scarves by bastards. Years later, I was accused of being from Swansea by a Grange End ‘thumper’ because I did not have any City tattoos. I ended up showing him my Cardiff Buss pass as proof of allegiance. He may have recognized it by sense of smell as it is unlikely he could read. Only partially satisfied, he went away. His punishment is being him. It’s true that you will find violent cretins everywhere but also true that they have a tendency to congregate at football grounds.

Despite the nascent hooliganism, the only fences at Ninian Park in 1974 were those to prevent you gaining access to more expensive areas of the ground. The only segregation you heard about was in South Africa. Within two years, there were fences everywhere to prevent violence and pitch invasions, each one a permanent reminder of some act of hooliganism or other.

I was directly responsible for one of those pitch invasions.

My father and I never went in the Grandstand again. One-off treats aside, 50p was considered too expensive for a football match; instead I had my own ‘executive box’ on the Bob Bank.

I wasn’t very tall, so I stood, or more accurately, balanced on a small wooden box my father knocked up at work in order to see the action. This box combined three design points in a unique way; it was at once practical, impractical and embarrassing.

It was practical in that I could now see the match. It was impractical in that falling from a foot high, 10 inch square box was never my preferred way to celebrate a goal. Furthermore, it drew laughs from bystanders when I first unwrapped it from a Tesco carrier bag and got on it. When you are a child, it's natural to feel like everyone is watching everything you do. In this case, they were.

In truth, the box’s Ninian debut was postponed for several weeks as I ‘forgot’ it a couple of times and, even when my father reminded me, succeeded in leaving it in the car once or twice, too.

Cardiff City went in to the final game of the season against Crystal Palace needing a point to avoid relegation.

I went in to the final game of the season against Crystal Palace with my box. All went reasonably well (there were no major falls, not even when Tony Villars equalised) until the final moments as it became apparent a pitch invasion to celebrate City staying in Division Two was brewing.

As the final whistle blew, I was rudely shoved aside and my box used as a stepping stone off the terrace and over the perimeter wall by hundreds of jubilant fans. They swarmed endlessly like ants on to the pitch where they jigged in the centre circle, waved scarves above their heads and mimed scoring goals at the Grange End.

When they had all gone, I looked down to see my box had been splintered to matchsticks by the pounding of countless heavy boots.

It was never replaced.

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Friday, 8 February 2013

Bonus Badmouth - Len Ashurst

Meet the Manager: Len Ashurst Answers your questions, Cardiff City Matchday programme 1991 (Mansfield Town, Lost 0-4)

Name: Leonard Nimroy Ashurst.

Football Honours: Mostly imaginary.

Managerial style: Scouse with nous!

Best moment in football as a player: April 21^st 1959. Newcastle vs Sunderland. 53rd minute. Managed to sneakily kick Jimmy Scoular in the bollocks and cheekily call him a “poof”! We laughed about it later.

Worst moment in football as a player: April 21^st 1959. Newcastle vs Sunderland. 54^th minute. Out of the game for nine months after being savagely kicked in the bollocks and told to “f**k off” during an unprovoked assault by Jimmy Scoular. He laughed about it later.

Best moment as a manager: Yet to come! Let’s be honest, even my promotion winning Newport team were crap.

Best personal trait: Realist.

Worst moment as a manager: Yet to come! No, seriously. Sometimes, I reckon I could relegate any club, Man Utd, Liverpool. I haven’t got a clue, really. I’m flying by the seat of my pants half the time. I lie awake at night thinking about it.

Worst personal trait: I’m too honest.

Nickname: 'Len'.

That's an interesting nickname, how did you get it: At Newport County. The players started using it. It's short for, "That twat, Len Ashurst". It’s stuck ever since.

If you could invite four people to dinner, who would they be? Fred and Rose West, Bruce Forsyth and Dracula.

Hobbies: Pets and gardening, which I like to combine by burying cats

Favourite song? 'Don't Fear the Reaper' which due to a printing error on my copy I mistakenly thought was called 'Don't Fear the Raper!" Great song but terrible advice.

What was the last book you read? Can't remember the title but I literally couldn't put it down. I think after suffering some sort of seizure.

Biggest achievement in football? As a player, I’m credited with perfecting the 'banana shot' in Subbutteo.

What would you do if you won the lottery? I would buy popularity. So hopefully, it's a rollover that week.

Dream Holiday destination: The players at Sunderland famously offered to pay for a 12 month world cruise, if I agreed to go.

Claim to fame: Once appeared on 'Ready Steady Cook'. I took a cooked chicken, frozen peas and oven chips on the show. Oh, and a tin of pineapple rings.

What's your favourite part of your role as Cardiff City Manager so far? None, sick of it, if I'm honest.

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Bonus Badmouth - Wales Rugby International Day

This is how BBC Wales will be covering the forthcoming Six Nations tournament. Excerpt courtesy of the Radio Times.

BBC 1 Wales

10:00 – The Big Match Preview.

Join us as we meet the crowd gathering in the Capital City of Wales and celebrate the sights and the smells of Cardiff on International Day.
Viewer discretion advised: may contain scenes of women in pink cowboy hats and close-ups of vomit.

11:00 – Rugby Recollections. (Repeat)

Ex-internationals boast about their achievements whilst criticizing the current squad. Features archive footage of when Wales were good.
Viewer discretion advised: contains scenes of Max Boyce. Not suitable for children.

12:00 – The Big Match. Another Preview.

As kick-off time gets closer it gets more desperate, join us as we once again look ahead to the Big Match at Wales' Lenyum Stadium.
Viewer discretion advised: contains the same archive footage of old matches as featured in the previous programme.

14:00 – The Big Match.

Live from the Lenyum Stadium. Can Wales overcome the old enemy or is this blanket media coverage an expensive waste of time? In English, Welsh, subtitles, Braille, semaphore and Eddie Butler.
Viewer discretion advised: may contain images of graphic violence and torture.

16:00 - What Went Wrong?

Wales rue another defeat. Analysis of this afternoon’s International.
Viewer discretion advised: may contain scenes of gloating ex-Internationals.

17:00 – Sports Round Up.

Another in-depth look at this afternoon’s International.
Viewer discretion advised: may contain scenes that some viewers find disturbing.

17:45 - Football.
Viewer discretion advised: blink and you'll miss it.

17:46 – News, Weather and Sport.

The News from around the world and Cardiff's Lenyum Stadyum .
Viewer discretion advised: may contain scenes that some viewers now find tedious.

BBC 2 Wales

20:00 – Scrum V Inquest.

How Welsh Rugby supporters reacted to this afternoon’s defeat.
Viewer discretion advised: may contain scenes of domestic violence and spousal abuse.

10:00 – The Big Match Revisited.

This afternoon’s match in full for Mr Harry 'Harry' Harries of Abertridwr, the one person in

Wales

who missed the game and refuses to own or operate a video.
Viewer discretion advised: Stay tuned 'Match of the Day' follows.

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Leo goes on to do quite well for Cardiff City.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

Bonus Badmouth - the signing of Leo Fortune-West

Leo's Fortunes Go West

"Cardiff are crap"

September 8th 2000. Rotherham striker Leo Fortune-West initially turns down an offer to join Cardiff City after the two clubs seemingly agreed a deal for the player.

The 6ft 4ins striker declined to join the Ninian Park outfit. Speaking to reporters the 6ft 5ins player said. "No, I'm not joining Cardiff City. They are crap."

Cardiff manager, Bobby Gould, tried to clarify the situation for supporters. "The player said no. Leo Fortune-West is not coming to Ninian Park." He said of the 6ft 6ins striker.

When asked what attributes had attracted him to the player, Gould replied, "Well, he's f***ing massive for a kick off."

"This is more important to me than skill or finesse when thinking about a player," Gould said of the 6ft 7ins striker.

Gould was in the market for a striker to replace Dai Thomas who had led the attack in Europe the previous season. Thomas was facing a ban from all football grounds in England and Wales for six years so was unlikely to feature in the first team that season.

Blimp sans legend

Cardiff chairhamam, Sam Hammam, was unavailable for comment but associates of the Lebanese millionaire intimated that a giant inflatable blimp sporting the legend," Yes, 6ft 8ins Leo Fortune-West is signing for Cardiff City," had been released over Swansea City centre that afternoon.

There were doubts about how 6ft 9ins Leo Fortune-West would fit into the team. There were doubts about how he would fit into his kit.

Add a couple of noughts

Hammam's elevation to Cardiff chairhamam saw Fortune-West value rocket from £35,000 to £300,000 and height rocket from 6ft 4ins to 6ft 9ins. It was a valuation ex-Cardiff horror story and Rotherham manager, Ronnie Moore described as 'nuts to turn down'. The negotiations with Cardiff had gone better than expected, with Moore conceding that Hammam was an 'easy touch'. Praising Hammam's generosity, Moore enthused, "It's as if Cardiff's money wasn't his!"

Hammam defended the inflated fee by declaring that he had more money than sense and would be asking for the money back after he'd finished with the club.

22nd in command, Billy Ayre, was also unavailable for comment. He had been locked in the lavatory since August Bank Holiday Monday, apparently part of the agreement that brought the Hammam 'millions' to Ninian Park.

Friends of Ayre (real people not a Charity) urged him to study small print more carefully in future.

I loves the 'Diff, me

September 9th 2000. In a shock move, designed to be irritating, Leo Fortune-West sensationally signed for Cardiff City. Less than 24 hours earlier, Fortune-West told reporters that he'd rather have his nipples removed with hot pincers than join Bobby Gould at Ninian Park, although Gould was convinced he could talk the player round.

"Cardiff is a team I have always wanted to join for the money," said the 5ft 4in striker.

Bobby Gould, however, is relieved of first team duties after less than two months in charge. He is elevated to position of General Manager in charge of "other football matters." Or was that any matter other than football?

During the interregnum between the appointment of Alan Cork, Roy Hodgson is ludicrously touted for both the England and Cardiff City jobs in the same week.

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Friday, 25 January 2013

Bonus Badmouth -Tony Clemo. Cardiff City Chairman 1986-1992

Tony Clemo's Leaving Do - a review

Tony Clemo was Chairman and owner of Cardiff City during a difficult period of the club's history. He later commented that the pressure of being at the helm at City during this time was like 'being in prison'. He later retracted this statement after being in prison.

Cardiff City chairman Clemo built a club capable of attracting as many as 3,000 fans to Ninian Park every fortnight. The players knew many of the crowd by name and it was feared that the 46,000 capacity might be too large, designed as it was to be a 1950s football deathtrap.

Obviously not flying but falling with style

During the 1987 election, the Natural Law party had more support in Cardiff than City did and perhaps more of a chance of achieving Yogic flight than City had of progressing up the leagues.

In retrospect, perhaps some credit should go to Clemo for keeping the club going when it could have folded; which is a bit like praising Hitler for keeping the war going from his bunker in Berlin.

But the fact remains, City were effectively a non-league club masquerading as a professional one during his spell in charge. There was little or no real infrastructure. It was rumoured the kit bag at Ninian Park contained one goalkeeper's glove and a pair of soiled underpants.

Surprisingly, as bad as this seems, worse was to come until Clemo sold the club to Rick Wright for a pound in 1991. Wright later described the club as 'over valued'.

Rick Wright was no better in the end. Initially thought to be 'reasonable and good natured' and then later reclassified as 'nasty and demented'.

Tony Clemo was not a popular man in Cardiff. To increase his personal popularity, and at great personal risk, Clemo invited supporters to an Open day at Ninian Park. Fans got to wander about on the pitch, meet players and score goals at the Grange End. Clemo walked amongst the crowd greeting and talking to supporters. In all, the Open Day went better than anticipated - Clemo wasn't murdered.

Clemo

All the same, there was tremendous sadness when Tony 'the people's chairman' Clemo bade his final farewell to Cardiff City in mid 1992. Tony, ever conscious of costs, insisted there should be little or no formal ceremony to mark his departure. His wishes were respected as hired thugs unceremoniously threw his chair, desk and brief case out of his office window into Sloper Road. His cascading paperwork provided a fine 'ticker-tape' accompaniment to his final moments at 'the City'.

Rick Wright, not wishing to prolong Tony's agony made his final remarks brief and to the point. He thanked Clemo for his tireless efforts during his 20 years at Ninian Park then told him to get out. "But remember Tony. there will always be a seat reserved for you at Ninian Park." He said pointing to a toilet door.

When Tony surveyed Ninian Park for the last time he thought about his greatest achievements there. Then he thought about the football for a moment.

But this wasn't quite the end, for later that same evening at a derelict B&B in Newport Road a special celebratory dinner and dance was held in his honour.

Mayed to go

And, yes, it was a glittering occasion. Scores of ex-managers and players sent their apologies but several first team regulars and then current manager Eddie May were forced to attend.

The showpiece of the evening was, of course the Welsh Cup, passport into Europe and the reason for a trip to MFI for a knockdown trophy Cabinet (which was erected by non other than ex-City favourite Jim Eadie). There was some consternation when the trophy went missing. But it turned up when the waiter returned with some ashtrays he had been emptying.

The evening kicked off with something different, a three hour video of the aggro at Ashton Gate in 1990 plus police photographs of the damage caused to Red Dragon Travel in Church Street - the only media coverage of Cardiff City during the last three years of Tony Clemo's tenure of office.

Next came the Cabaret spot. Radio and TV personality Roy Noble introduced some male strippers courtesy of the Majestic Holiday camp; indicative of Rick Wright's commitment to 'family entertainment'.

Fatuous

Noble then returned to deliver a series of fatuous remarks masquerading as a speech but was thankfully canned-off.

Stan Stennett made a brief appearance but the bouncer at the door managed convince him that there was nothing going on inside relating to Cardiff City and he went away again.

There was a momentary moment of unpleasantness when Clemo's wife Linda accussed him of being 'unromantic' because he refused to drink champagne from her shoe. "I cannot handle that amount of alcohol", Clemo later explained.

Ex manager, Jimmy Andrews made a surprise appearance and described Clemo as a 'useless git'. Words echoed by fellow former Bluebirds boss, Richie Morgan, who was also fair in his assessment of the outgoing chairman.

Junior Bluebirds

To end the evening, Rick Wright made a brief speech outlining the achievements of Tony Clemo over the past 20 years. Unfortunately, at that moment, Paul Millar dropped his pint and his kind words were missed in the momentary hubbub this aroused.

Clemo was then invited up on stage to receive a special commemorative Junior Bluebird membership card and the bill for the evening.

He received these mementos to a rising crescendo of cat-calls, hoots and farts. The party finally finished at 3 am. (The players left at 2 am as there was a match the next day.) The whole shebang was scheduled to finish at 10.pm but was gate-crashed by bunch of rugby supporters who forced the bar to stay open at knife-point and tried (and failed) to get off with the male stripper.

At 3 am the police were called and after a heated argument and a scuffle the police finally got their way and the bar stayed open till 4 am.

Tired and somewhat bedraggled (some say pissed), the ex-City supremo made his way to the carpark only to find that, in display of good-natured teasing, his car had been vandalised. The tyres and seats were slashed and a swastika and the word 'twat' had been daubed on the windscreen.

He didn't have to look far for the culprits, he smiled, perhaps for the first time that evening because he knew, yes he knew, that he was at last one of the boys.

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