Bonus Bad Mouth - Championship Manager 2

The transfer of Kevin Bartlett inspired this rant if not the whole magazine. Written from the viewpoint of a committed fan, with little or no understanding of the financial realities at the club, or perhaps, living in denial of them.

Bartlett was a very effective, pacey striker whose transfer cost the team a top half finish but probably did keep the club in business. Even so, a potential Bluebirds legend is now a mere footnote in the club's history.

Bartlett was transformed by Burrows from a hopeless, injury addled non-leaguer to middling First Division striker with Notts County. Frank Burrows was adept at resuscitating the careers of forlorn players struggling to stay in the game. Paul Wimbleton and Jimmy Gilligan are other examples.

 

He had to be; fit, in form players wouldn’t dream of coming to the club.

I'm not sure but I think City got a measly £60,000 from West Brom for Bartlett so I was further aggrieved years later when they were touting him for £935,000 on ‘Championship Manager 2’.

Speaking of ‘Championship Manager’, it’s worth pausing to consider a review of the game I wrote a year or so later. Of course, the franchise has improved immeasurably in its various iterations.  In my mind, it achieved the very height of realism in 2012 when a friend boasted that he had taken Newport County to the Champions’ League title.

This, of course, is the appeal. For, in their heart, what football supporter doesn’t believe that their team could compete with the best if only the right man was in charge? (i.e. me.) Why else would you support a team?

As it happens, I was asked to provide the player ratings for 'Championship manager 2' for Cardiff City which I promise I did fairly and dispassionately. It would be a tough ask to start the game in Cardiff City mode.  Almost unplayable.

A fact I can attest to, as on the day I received my free copy of the game as reward I flunked to a 4-0 opening day home defeat to a Jason Peake inspired Rochdale.  Peake put in a performance to rival Ryan Giggs that day.  Peake's ludicrously over rated attribute ratings in the game also rivalled Giggs. Whoever set the Rochdale player ratings was a bloody cheat.

Here's my experience of playing an earlier Atari ST football simulation game called 'Football Manager'.

 

Eddie May Ousted As Jimmy Case And Bryan Robson Sign For Cardiff In Early Hours Drama!

I recently spent a week in bed ill and the only relief from the pain and the delirium was a computer game called “Championship Manager". You are the manager; you pick the team, buy the players then you sit back and watch them lose. A bit like Eddie May really, except he's called the Coach, of course.

I quickly ousted Eddie May from the hot seat. He was only keeping it warm for me, and set about the job of taking City from the bottom of the League to the top. One of the good things about Football manager is that it lists the real players. Yes, Pikey, Gibbins, Blakey, Cohen, they were all there. They stormed to an opening day's 3-0 defeat at Northampton.

The players have a rating of between I and 9 on all of their abilities. Most of the City players' ratings were pathetic twos and threes with a very unhealthy dose of ones. It was a shame but they had to go if City were to get anywhere.

To add to all this realism I put in a speculative bid for Carl Dale only to be met with the dreaded response "Carl Dale is not interested in joining your team." Well, sod him then. I was also peeved to find out that Notts County were asking £935,000 for Kevin Bartlett - cheeky buggers.

I mimicked the tactics of Len Ashurst. I sold freely to avoid a cash crisis and brought in players of no fixed ability for pitiful sums. The City roared lo 24th in the table, were knocked out of all the cups in the 1st rounds (In the FA Cup by non-league Welling -at Ninian Park, shee!) and reduced league attendances to crisis level. I was sacked.

Like Len, I returned, promising the 'Midas touch' to an imaginary press conference. Some shrewd transfer work built up a sizeable stash at the bank and there were deals that brought the likes of Jimmy Case and Bryan Robson, no less, to the club. We flew to promotion, pausing only to take the Autoglass Trophy and the F.A. Cup. A unique treble.

At this stage the computer was losing its grip on reality as Arsenal were relegated to the Second Division and Everton to the Third. However, Blackburn were League Champions.
Flushed with success my softer side emerged, I brought back Nathan Blake (on reflection, I might have bought Noel Blake by mistake as players were only identified by their initials) for old times sake and even bought Ken De Mange. He scored some important goals from midfield. And we appreciated those goals but a £500,000 bid from Plymouth saw Ken pack his imaginary bags.

I was on the verge of a play-off place to the First Division when I noticed that it was 4.30am. I had also developed a habit of cheering loudly at victory and swearing at defeat.

To heighten the reality, I had taken to supplying my own crowd noises.

With the sound of parents and neighbours alike beating on the walls and calling for quiet, I accepted the Manager of the Month Award and retired to bed.

The picture of Kevin Bartlett was photocopied from a newspaper and enlarged to the point where cheapness disguises itself as art.