The Time Travellers' Book of Football

The Time Travellers' Book of Football

An unforeseen problem encountered since the accidental discovery of time travel following the switching on of the Cern Hadron Colider in 2012 was that the technology quickly fell in to the wrong hands. Football supporters.

Rather than use the discovery for the good of mankind, supporters have chosen instead to right the perceived wrongs of football, persecute rivals and concoct a barely credible alternative history of the game.

Following their promotion to the EPL in 2011, Swansea season ticket holders were slightly disappointed to find their first fixture of the new season was home to Total Network Solutions and not Arsenal as advertised.

City of Manchester Stadium

Manchester City fans awoke one day to discover the City of Manchester Stadium was in Prestatyn.

At the last count, 731 players thought to have played for Cardiff City, didn't. 

The question raised by time travel is not, as had been widely anticipated; would you go back to 1939 and assassinate Hitler? It is instead; would you go back and assassinate a Cup Final referee?

However, as the referee of the 1950 world Cup final is listed as 'A Hitler (Berlin)', the question might be moot.

As a result most editions of the Rothman's Football Yearbook are hopelessly redundant. The 1966 World Cup has been hardest hit with the Jules Remit trophy changing hands several times.

Contested

The 1971 Rothman's states England won 4-2. The 1974 edition gives it 2-1 to the Germans with Geoff Hurst seemingly ceasing to exist in February 1965. He emerged from a cellar, blinking in the harsh sunlight in July 2002, his knighthood as illusory as his winners' medal.

Rothman's 1975, however, reports a 7-1 English victory with someone called Ged Miller scoring a superb double hatrick. Something went awry for both sets of supporters in 1980, however, as in that edition Scotland is listed as winning it.

These examples can only hint at the lengths some supporters will go to ensure that history recalls their team won.



Joe Jordan

Joe Jordan is amongst several well known footballers who now were never born. A Jordanless world allowed Wales to progress to the Finals in 1978 where, bizarrely they were knocked out by Scotland in the semi- finals. Holland went on to beat the Netherlands 2-1 in the final.

What happened to Joe Jordan? Only the most meticulous of research unearthed a seemingly innocuous report in a January 1947 edition of the Glasgow Herald. A Welshman, claiming to be on a day trip from Abertridwr, was jailed for kicking a Mr Jock Jordan 'hard in ma baws'.

Other revisions, such as Merthyr Tydfil's hatrick of League Championships during the 1920s remain somewhat unfathomable.

But time travel is not without its dangers; AJ Morton of Chapel town, Leeds disappeared without trace in January this year. He was on a self-vindicating mission to ensure United won a treble of championships between 1969 and 1971. Morton had calculated Leeds required only 7 points to achieve the feat. He departed with the words, "I will find those points."

Unconfirmed reports suggest he is being chased through time by fans of Everton and Arsenal hellbent on intercepting Morton and preserving their silverware.

Vetch Field Bombed

The history of some clubs has been severely altered. The Vetch field Swansea, for example, was bombed by the Luftwaffe in 1943 and again by the RAF in 1944 who finished the job. Cardiff fans blamed.

Twice

Dixie Dean was a hairdresser in Speake. Kevin Keegan was run over in 1972 and George Best was in the Beatles.

But has any good come of all this? Only time will tell. Besides, when was the last time you heard a vuvuzala?