The Origins of Football Club Nicknames

 Read: The Time Travellers' Book of Football here

I have a fascination for club nicknames. Apparently, the reason why Cardiff are called the Bluebirds was lost in the mist of time. That was until a history of the Club called 'C'Mon City!' (Working title: FFS City!') posited the theory that the nickname derived from a play staged in Cardiff entitled 'The Bluebird'.　 According to the author, the　play was performed at the same time as the first reported use of the name 'Bluebirds' at Ninian Park around 1911. (You think I'm making this up?)

I suppose it could be true. After all, most football historians agree that early professional football drew　much of its support from Edwardian theatre goers.



More likely, the author of 'C'Mon City!' is an arse.

My favoured theory is that the nickname ‘Bluebirds’ was a nod to Sir Malcolm Campbell and his land speed record at Pendine Sands in 1924.

But many football teams do derive their nicknames from scarcely remembered plays or films. Brighton and Hove Albion, 'The Seagulls', took their nickname from the 1895 Chekhov play 'The Seagull' and Liverpool took their nickname, 'The Reds', from the 1981 Warren Beatty film 'Reds'. I could go on but won't.

So to continue the theme, I present a unique guide and look up table to the real origins of Football Club Nicknames based on films, plays and television. This is niftily combined with a handy guide for aspiring newspaper headline writer suggesting  headlines to likely footballing scenarios; namely the 'Great Win', 'Tedious Draw', 'Crushing Defeat' and the ever popular  'Sex Scandal'.

Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Accrington Stanley	Stanley	Town is big  on  cinematic Stanleys. Kubrick, Laurel and Baxter. Kubrick prepared Sissy Spacek for her emotionally draining role in 'The Shining' by having her watch Accrington for a year.	How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Accrington	And what will you have, Stanley?	Baxter the Wall.	Baxter the Wall.
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Aston Villa	Villans	Villan', Richard Burton, Ian McShane. 1971. In tribute to Burton obsession with Villa expressed in an interview on 'Parkinson' in 1974. " I don't know what it is," he said, "but I just hate them."	Villafied!	Heroes and Villans	Gone for a Burton.	Thrillings with  the Villans
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Blackpool	Tangerine	Led Zeppelin III, track 7, is on a permanent loop at Bloomfield Road.	Tangerine Dream	Tangerines Mean	Tangerine Scream	Tanned Grin Screams
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Bolton Wanderers	Trotters	Only Fools and Horses. Christmas Special 1983. Groundsman's video copy lost in fire in 1987. Club adopts nickname out of respect.	Trot's yer lot	Trot on	You Trot What You deserve	Pig's Trotter
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Bournemouth	Cherries	The Cherry Tree', Chekhov was quoted endlessly on the terraces of Dean Court to demoralise visiting teams for much of the early history of the club..	Cherry Picking	Cherry Trifle	Cherries Picked Off	Ma Cherries Amor
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Brentford	Bees	Irwin Allen/Michael Caine masterwerk 'The Swarm' featuring bees played at the Odeon Brentford in 1978 for 5 days ( no matinee Sunday). It was enjoyed so much by the Brentford faithful that they adopted 'Bees' as the club's unofficial nickname after realising Brentford started with a 'B' or 'Bee'. Not a lot of people know that.	Bees Knees	Too  Bee or Not to Bee	Bees Stung	Bee Hive!
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Bristol Rovers	Pirates	Of the Caribean. Reserve 'keeper said to bear uncanny resemblance to Johnny Depp but in reality looks nothing like him	Pirates the way to Do It			Trouser pirates
Burnley	Clarets	A Clockwork Orange' is in most people's Top 10 films at Turf Moor. Enjoyed for its dazzingly cinematography, expert direction, excellent acting, thought provoking themes and 'good punch-ups'.	Clarets the way to do it!	Claret'll Do	Clarets Syndrome	Claret us if you can
Burton Albion	Brewers	A nod to Oliver Reed's failure to perform after a massive in take of alcohol. Reed's long association with the club stems from 1961 when he drove past the ground after getting lost driving to location filming on 'The Rebel'.	Brewers Win	Brewers Draw	Brewers Droop	Brew Ers Missus!
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Charlton Athletic	Robins	Nest. South london is a Mecca for those interested in 1970s Robins.	Reliant Robins	Robin Peter to Pay Paul	Robin Bastards	Robin Askwith
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Crystal Palace	Eagles	Where Eagles Dare'. Not only was Derren Nesbitt on the books as an exciting young winger in 1964, Selhurst Park also deputised for the Schloss Adler in several long shots in the 1968 classic.	Eagle Eyed	Where Eagles Draw	The Eagle has landed	Illegal or Sick Bird?
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Dagenham & Redbridge	Daggers	Macbeth was never out of the DVD player during Dagenham's progress to the Football League after three witches foretold Dagenham's rise to Champions League winners on the way back from a 3-1 win at Southport. Chairman inebriation suspected.	Dagger Eyed	Daggers Drawn	Was this the Daggers I saw before me?	Daggers Unsheathed
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Doncaster Rovers	Donny	The Osmonds biopic. Donny a heartthrob of manager's wife for majority of the 1970s.	Donny Do	Donny Don't	Donny Didn't	Donny Did
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Doncaster Rovers	Vikings	With Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis	I'm Viking It!	Kings Vie for Point	Why, Kings Abdicate	Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Leicester City	Foxes	Little Foxes. In tribute to a young Elizabeth Taylor who was great in it according to the Chairman's niece. As the majority of Leicester fans declared themselves 'completely uninterested' in thinking up a nickname during a 1971 fans poll, the name stuck.	Out Foxed	Foxes Fox About	For Fox Sake!	Foxy Lady
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Leyton Orient	Os	Two Ronnies. 'Four Candles' sketch never fails to raise a smile in London's East End.	Os a Pretty Boys Then?	Os Dear	Os You are Awful	Os La La
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Manchester City	Citizens	After wracking their brains for months for new nickname, Citizen Kane is spotted in DVD rack at chairman's mother's house. As no other suggestions are forthcoming, 'Citizens' adopted  to 'add class' to the club even though no-one has seen the film or knows what it is about.	Citizens Rights	Citizens Arrest	Citizens Kaned	Citizens Caned
Millwall	Lions	The Lion in Winter	Lions maul…	Lions tamed	Lions mauled	Lions Maid
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Newcastle United	Toon	Local pronunciation of 'Town', meaning City Centre where the ground is situated. More likely in honour of Warner Brothers series of 'Loony Toons' cartoons of the 1940s.	Toons of Glory		Toonami!	Name That Toon
Northampton Town	Cobblers	Based on the likely reaction to any film by Derek Jarman, 'The Tempest', 'Jubilee', et al by Northamptonshire's cinephiles	Cobblered!	Cobblers	Cobblers	Cobblers!
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Notts County	Magpies	Magpie. popular 1970s childrens' show. As tribute to Mick Robinson	Magadelic!		Shag Pies!	Jazz Mags
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Peterborough United	Posh	Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Lionel Jeffries solo spot was a particular favourite amongst fans.	Posh Over		Posh Bastards	Posh Spice
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Port Vale	Valiants	Prince Valiant. Robert Wagner was rumoured to be a season ticket holder at Port Vale after a head injury in 1957 left him confused and frightened and unaccountable for his actions.	Vale of Fear	Draw a Vale Over It.	Vale of Tears	Dance of the seven Vales
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Portsmouth	Pompey	Woody Strode's performance in 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' is well remembered on the South Coast.	In their Pomp, Eh!	Pomp and circumstance	Pompy Donkeys	Rompey Pompey
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Queens Park Rangers	Super Hoops	Based on the pattern of the home strip or a shortlived but superior version of 'Spaghetti Hoops'	Hoopla!	Jumping Through Hoops	Oops Hoops Droop	Hoops Droop
Rochdale	Dale	Emmerdale Farm is a must watch in this part of the world.	Dale Win(ton)	Draw a Dale Over It	Up Hill but Down Dale	Mrs Dale's Diary
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Rotherham United	Millers	Miller''s Crossing. Frequent complaints against erratic wing play of Rotherham's semi-legendary inside forward, Peter Miller, a Scottish footballer with "great footwork".,	Miller Time	Mill Dew	Mill Drew	Miller's Tale
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Rushden & Diamonds	Diamonds	Diamonds Are Forever. Physio's dad's favourite song. He can't stand the tune but has always fancied Shirley Bassey.	These Diamonds Are Forever	Rough Diamonds	I, I Who Have Nothing.	Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Scunthorpe United	Irons	Absolutely anything with Jeremy Irons in it.		Iron(y)	Ironed Out	Iron Hooves
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Sheffield United	Blades	The 'Blades' were the third New York gang considered for 'West Side Story' after the Sharks and the Jets.  They were dropped from the film and disbanded after appearing effete and lightweight during rehearals and being beaten up by both the Sharks and the Jets girlfriends.  Lest this Gang of New York be forgotten, legend says, United adopted the name in 1959. More likely, named after the weapon of choice during the 1970s.	Flashing Blades	Double edged Blade	Blades Blunted	Blaids
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Southampton	Saints	The Glenn Miller Story'. Ricky lambert said to be huge James Stewart fan.	When the Saints Go Scoring In	When the Saints Go Drawing In	When the Saints Go Down	When the Saints Go In
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Stevenage Borough	Stripes	Bill Murray's fan base is very influential in Stevenage	Goal Busters!	Scrooged	Stripe a light	Stripe a gram
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Tamworth	Lambs	Silence of	Lamb Alang a Ding Dong	Quiet as a lamb	Lambs To The Slaughter	Mary Had a Little Lamb
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
Torquay United	Gulls	Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Studied by many Torquay fans for O'level in 1973. Name has stuck ever since after many supporters likened the experience of watching Torquay lose to the feeling of having a Seagull steal your pasty when you're starving.				Gullible
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
West Ham United	Hammers	Although this may initially appear to be based on the name, observation of the club's DVD collection reveals obsessive interest in the filmography of Christopher Lee on part of coaching staff.	Ham it up	Ham Drawn but not quartered	Hammers House of Horror	Hammer and Thongs
Club	Nickname	Origin	Headline for Great Win	Headline for Tedious Draw	Headline for Crushing defeat	Headline for Sex Scandal
York City	Minstermen	Mistermen. Corruption/mishearing of.	Mister Happy	Mister Goal	Mister Grumpy	Mister Tickle

 Read: The Time Travellers' Book of Football here

The Time Travellers' Book of Football

The Time Travellers' Book of Football

An unforeseen problem encountered since the accidental discovery of time travel following the switching on of the Cern Hadron Colider in 2012 was that the technology quickly fell in to the wrong hands. Football supporters.

Rather than use the discovery for the good of mankind, supporters have chosen instead to right the perceived wrongs of football, persecute rivals and concoct a barely credible alternative history of the game.

Following their promotion to the EPL in 2011, Swansea season ticket holders were slightly disappointed to find their first fixture of the new season was home to Total Network Solutions and not Arsenal as advertised.

City of Manchester Stadium

Manchester City fans awoke one day to discover the City of Manchester Stadium was in Prestatyn.

At the last count, 731 players thought to have played for Cardiff City, didn't. 

The question raised by time travel is not, as had been widely anticipated; would you go back to 1939 and assassinate Hitler? It is instead; would you go back and assassinate a Cup Final referee?

However, as the referee of the 1950 world Cup final is listed as 'A Hitler (Berlin)', the question might be moot.

As a result most editions of the Rothman's Football Yearbook are hopelessly redundant. The 1966 World Cup has been hardest hit with the Jules Remit trophy changing hands several times.

Contested

The 1971 Rothman's states England won 4-2. The 1974 edition gives it 2-1 to the Germans with Geoff Hurst seemingly ceasing to exist in February 1965. He emerged from a cellar, blinking in the harsh sunlight in July 2002, his knighthood as illusory as his winners' medal.

Rothman's 1975, however, reports a 7-1 English victory with someone called Ged Miller scoring a superb double hatrick. Something went awry for both sets of supporters in 1980, however, as in that edition Scotland is listed as winning it.

These examples can only hint at the lengths some supporters will go to ensure that history recalls their team won.



Joe Jordan

Joe Jordan is amongst several well known footballers who now were never born. A Jordanless world allowed Wales to progress to the Finals in 1978 where, bizarrely they were knocked out by Scotland in the semi- finals. Holland went on to beat the Netherlands 2-1 in the final.

What happened to Joe Jordan? Only the most meticulous of research unearthed a seemingly innocuous report in a January 1947 edition of the Glasgow Herald. A Welshman, claiming to be on a day trip from Abertridwr, was jailed for kicking a Mr Jock Jordan 'hard in ma baws'.

Other revisions, such as Merthyr Tydfil's hatrick of League Championships during the 1920s remain somewhat unfathomable.

But time travel is not without its dangers; AJ Morton of Chapel town, Leeds disappeared without trace in January this year. He was on a self-vindicating mission to ensure United won a treble of championships between 1969 and 1971. Morton had calculated Leeds required only 7 points to achieve the feat. He departed with the words, "I will find those points."

Unconfirmed reports suggest he is being chased through time by fans of Everton and Arsenal hellbent on intercepting Morton and preserving their silverware.

Vetch Field Bombed

The history of some clubs has been severely altered. The Vetch field Swansea, for example, was bombed by the Luftwaffe in 1943 and again by the RAF in 1944 who finished the job. Cardiff fans blamed.

Twice

Dixie Dean was a hairdresser in Speake. Kevin Keegan was run over in 1972 and George Best was in the Beatles.

But has any good come of all this? Only time will tell. Besides, when was the last time you heard a vuvuzala?

Spytty - The Mutt's Nuts.



Lush



Newport County 2 Mansfield 0

In their previous game, Mansfield Town won 8-1 and their manager was awarded a sparkling Aston Martin as a show of gratitude by a gratuitous chairman.

Everyone knew about it. It was in all the papers.

When the Mansfield away support at Rodney Parade was announced as "90", a ready wit in the crowd shouted, "Did you all come in the Bentley!"

It was symptomatic of an evening where the crowd were by equal measures rabid, noisy, easily angered and only partially informed. All the necessary ingredients of a 'good atmosphere."

Early in the game, a ball was smacked into touch with such force that, had it hit someone, it would have qualified as attempted murder. It was met with the words, "Beautiful, beautiful football."

In all fairness, this might have been the same bloke as before. It was shouted with the full conviction of a spectator who readily confuses the concept of 'whole-hearted support' with shouting something totally wrong about football every time they open their mouth. All grounds have one.

The rest of the ground had a more 'realistic' assessment of the County and chipped in with a rendition of "We're by far the greatest team in football the world has ever seen." By far?

This is why Wales will never qualify for the World Cup finals; our supporters often lack the objectivity required to quantify the relative strengths and weaknesses of the team in comparison to  their opponents that is necessary to correctly predict the likely outcome of the contest.

In truth, County were far from the worst football team the world has ever seen (Cardiff City with Russel Osman in the team win that one) and deserved the win.

They featured shaven headed, talentless talisman and  'crowd favourite'  David Pipe. The crowd constantly bayed for him to get forward and create 'something'.



David Pipe - seriously



He responded by rarely crossing the half-way line and got a telling-off from the ref when he did.  His contribution to the game seemingly measured by the fearsomeness of his grimace. He rated highly in this area.

Christian Jolley, wittily referred to as 'Bambi' (by you know who) each time he lost his footing, lost his footing and Newport were awarded a penalty. They scored.

Jolley  then scored the decisive second goal. He celebrated his excellent but slightly greedy effort by running to a corner of the ground populated by imaginary fans to share his moment with no-one.

Jolley  was one player, along with goalkeeper Lenny Pidgeley, you felt might develop well at a higher level club.  But as he came from a higher level club in the first place this feeling may well have been illusory.

Lenny Pidgeley will probably remain confined to non-league by dint of his silly name.

Keeping the crowd entertained during the boring bits was Spytty the Mutty.



The mirror test of self awareness



Spytty has the perfect combination of personality traits required to become a first class club mascot or nuisance on the Corporation buses. These include:

• A complete lack of self-awarenes.
• Fanaticism (in a bad way).
• The inabilty to distinguish between good attention and bad attention.
• The propensity to react to a football match in a manner unlike any other person in the ground.
• A basic mastery of mime.

Indeed, Spytty's miserable and disconsolate slow walk around the pitch with his head in his hands after a County near miss was so moving I genuinely felt like putting an arm around him to comfort him.

As he sank dramatically to his knees, I wasn't sure if he was reacting to some bad health news he'd had earlier in the week or a corner awarded to Mansfield. It was impossible to tell.

The problem was Spytty's mime session was that the pace was somewhat slower than the game. In fact, he was still shuffling around the pitch shaking his head forlornly because Jolley was flagged offside when everyone else was celebrating County's second goal.

At one point he looked so emotionally hurt, dabbing at imaginary tears with his oversized ears, I thought  that perhaps one of the Mansfield players had said something mean to him in an off the ball incident.

 

It wasn't difficult to imagine Spytty being on suicide watch had County lost the match.

Fortunately, they didn't. 

I would sincerely love to see County back in the Football League and the sooner the better. From this showing, everything is definitely 'going in the right direction' and much of the infrastructure is 'in place'.



Heavy pitch at Rodney Parade



One criticism is the rodney Parade pitch which was a little heavy in places.

However, If Newport make the play-offs, they will be the team everyone will want to avoid.

 

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Ninian Park's First Executive Box

The Executive Box

I first went to Ninian Park in March 1974. My father had decided that we needed to spend some ‘quality time’ together after I was nearly killed in a traffic accident.  What better way than a sporting event? After ignoring my pleas to go to a Rugby match, Dad chose football.

Cardiff City’s reputation for violence and hooliganism was fully established by 1974. To ease me in to the Ninian Park experience, which I fully expected to be vaguely traumatising and possibly ending up with stitches, we sat in the Grandstand close to the Grange End (also known as the ‘Boys Enclosure’). Common consent was that you had to be bordering on psychopathic to watch your football from that enclosure.

Middlesbrough were the opponents and City won 3-2. Cardiff were, to my utter disbelief, frankly excellent and I loved every minute. I was 10 years old and ‘The Goodies’ were on telly that night so it was pretty much a perfect day.

The game was not 10 minutes old and Cardiff 2-0 up before I realized my father was not a typical football fan. He appeared to be on an unspoken mission to be awarded the accolade of being the most undemonstrative man in the crowd. His expression and demeanour did not change during the entire match, no matter how thrilling or controversial the action.

There were no replica shirts in the Grange End; only scarves, flared trousers and Dr Marten boots. As I was dressed head to toe in polyester and didn’t own any of these items, I didn’t think the Grange End was the place for me. In fact, I considered it noisy and evil as it was full of ‘bigger boys’ with knives. I thought that going in there would lead to my death.

Smaller boys, foolish or brave enough to go in the Grange, were robbed of their sweet money, mugged for their shoes and bullied for their scarves by bastards.  Years later, I was accused of being from Swansea by a Grange End ‘thumper’ because I did not have any City tattoos. I ended up showing him my Cardiff Buss pass as proof of allegiance. He may have recognized it by sense of smell as it is unlikely he could read. Only partially satisfied, he went away. His punishment is being him. It’s true that you will find violent cretins everywhere but also true that they have a tendency to congregate at football grounds.

Despite the nascent hooliganism, the only fences at Ninian Park in 1974 were those to prevent you gaining access to more expensive areas of the ground. The only segregation you heard about was in South Africa. Within two years, there were fences everywhere to prevent violence and pitch invasions, each one a permanent reminder of some act of hooliganism or other.

I was directly responsible for one of those pitch invasions.

My father and I never went in the Grandstand again. One-off treats aside, 50p was considered too expensive for a football match; instead I had my own ‘executive box’ on the Bob Bank.

I wasn’t very tall, so I stood, or more accurately, balanced on a small wooden box my father knocked up at work in order to see the action. This box combined three design points in a unique way; it was at once practical, impractical and embarrassing.

It was practical in that I could now see the match. It was impractical in that falling from a foot high, 10 inch square box was never my preferred way to celebrate a goal. Furthermore, it drew laughs from bystanders when I first unwrapped it from a Tesco carrier bag and got on it. When you are a child, it's natural to feel like everyone is watching everything you do. In this case, they were.

In truth, the box’s Ninian debut was postponed for several weeks as I ‘forgot’ it a couple of times and, even when my father reminded me, succeeded in leaving it in the car once or twice, too.

Cardiff City went in to the final game of the season against Crystal Palace needing a point to avoid relegation.

I went in to the final game of the season against Crystal Palace with my box. All went reasonably well (there were no major falls, not even when Tony Villars equalised) until the final moments as it became apparent a pitch invasion to celebrate City staying in Division Two was brewing. 

As the final whistle blew, I was rudely shoved aside and my box used as a stepping stone off the terrace and over the perimeter wall by hundreds of jubilant fans.  They swarmed endlessly like ants on to the pitch where they jigged in the centre circle, waved scarves above their heads and mimed scoring goals at the Grange End. 

When they had all gone, I looked down to see my box had been splintered to matchsticks by the pounding of countless heavy boots.

It was never replaced.

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Bonus Badmouth - Len Ashurst

Meet the Manager: Len Ashurst Answers your questions, Cardiff City Matchday programme 1991 (Mansfield Town, Lost 0-4)

Name: Leonard Nimroy Ashurst.

Football Honours: Mostly imaginary.

Managerial style: Scouse with nous!

Best moment in football as a player: April 21^st 1959. Newcastle vs Sunderland. 53rd minute. Managed to sneakily kick Jimmy Scoular in the bollocks and cheekily call him a “poof”! We laughed about it later.

Worst moment in football as a player: April 21^st 1959. Newcastle vs Sunderland.  54^th minute. Out of the game for nine months after being savagely kicked in the bollocks and told to “f**k off” during an unprovoked assault by Jimmy Scoular. He laughed about it later.

Best moment as a manager: Yet to come! Let’s be honest, even my promotion winning Newport team were crap.

Best personal trait: Realist.

Worst moment as a manager: Yet to come! No, seriously. Sometimes, I reckon I could relegate any club, Man Utd, Liverpool. I haven’t got a clue, really. I’m flying by the seat of my pants half the time. I lie awake at night thinking about it.

Worst personal trait: I’m too honest.

Nickname:  'Len'.

That's an interesting nickname, how did you get it: At Newport County. The players started using it. It's short for, "That twat, Len Ashurst". It’s stuck ever since.

If you could invite four people to dinner, who would they be? Fred and Rose West, Bruce Forsyth and Dracula.

Hobbies: Pets and gardening, which I like to combine by burying cats

Favourite song? 'Don't Fear the Reaper' which due to a printing error on my copy I mistakenly thought was called 'Don't Fear the Raper!" Great song but terrible advice.

What was the last book you read? Can't remember the title but I literally couldn't put it down. I think after suffering some sort of seizure.

Biggest achievement in football? As a player, I’m credited with perfecting the 'banana shot' in Subbutteo.

What would you do if you won the lottery? I would buy popularity. So hopefully, it's a rollover that week.

Dream Holiday destination: The players at Sunderland famously offered to pay for a 12 month world cruise, if I agreed to go.

Claim to fame: Once appeared on 'Ready Steady Cook'. I took a cooked chicken, frozen peas and oven chips on the show. Oh, and a tin of pineapple rings.

What's your favourite part of your role as Cardiff City Manager so far? None, sick of it, if I'm honest.

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Bobbing Along Issue 1

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Bobbing Along. Issue 3. May 1989

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