Bonus Badmouth - Frank Burrows 1989

At the beginning of the 1989  season, manager Frank Burrows was asked to set about building a team that could at least stay in Division Three.

The alternative, should he fail, was that Cardiff City would give up football and move to premises in Caroline Street and sell kebabs. It was deemed likely to be more profitable and attract less violence.

Despite deliberating over a possible move away from Ninian Park throughout the summer of 1989, Frank Burrows began the season still in the 'Hot Seat' (the result of faulty wiring).

During the pre-season, Frank Burrows was tasked to prepare a ‘dossier’ on all forthcoming opponents, outlining what he knew of their strengths and weaknesses, key players, danger men, etc.

 

He presented a fixture list.

In an inexplicable oversight, Frank Burrows was not even nominated for Manager of the Season for 1989.

Frank Burrows was a popular figure in Cardiff, if you  consider the number of fans then supporting the team being numerous enough to qualify anyone as 'popular'. It has not been mathematically tested but it seems likely that on a pro-rata basis, given the population of Cardiff and its environs, Cardiff City were the worst supported team in the UK from 1985 to 1991.

It's been said that Clemo and Burrows fell out over money. This is not true. They both agreed there wasn't any. It was rumoured that a rare 1977 Cardiff City Subbuteo set (including broken goalie) was worth more than the current 1989 playing squad.

Better times

With a transfer 'war chest' that he kindly described as 'hopelessly inadequate', Burrows relied on the whole hearted but diminishing talents of aged Internationals such as George Wood (a bona fide City legend) and Alan Curtis ( a true great of Welsh Football and a Premiership manager in 2016, no less) and untried youngsters such as former Newport County midfield enforcer, Steve Tupling (Google him, you'll be the first person who has).

Tupling was said to be the least naturally gifted player at the club. He worked tirelessly on never improving his game thus earning a transfer to Hartlepool United. He became a role model to many who reasoned that if he could make it as a pro, then so could they (even if they were in their forties, grossly unfit and in hospital on life support).

Mark Kelly was another whose claims to have been a professional footballer remain unsubstantiated. He was a player whose performances stubbornly remained mediocre. Either the coaches couldn’t coach him or he was un-coachable. Kelly was a master of the cross-field run and exciting lay-off to the fullback. Incredulously, he was transferred to Fulham in 1990 for a fee. Don’t worry; this was a pre-Al Fayed Fulham languishing in the Third Division with little money and even less sense.

Poor Mark Kelly. How easily and often those words go together!

Then there was Paul Wimbleton, renowned for his speculative and inaccurate long range shooting.

Indeed, if you read in the 'paper that he'd hit the wall from a free kick it was natural to assume it was the toilet wall at the Canton end. 

Wimbleton had been voted 'Player of the Year' the previous season but his form dipped to such a low that pre-match news that he wasn't playing was said to add as many as a thousand to the gate.

No goals this season but credited with an 'assist' after returning the ball for a throw in. Became a novelist after leaving football, penning 'Nineteen eighty Three'. He unsuccessfully sued the estate of George Orwell for plagiarism.

Paul Wimbleton - according to Google

Wimbleton's consistent performances earned him a shock transfer to Bristol City (a bigger shock to them, believe me) where he helped their promotion bid by being injured for the bulk of the season.

 

Ian Walsh? Even his most avid fan and, perhaps, father would describe him as 'alright'. If he were a Subbuteo player you would have flicked him off the pitch and not bothered flicking him back on. Rumoured to be on less money than the YTS lads.

Statistically,  a bloke in the crowd made more of a contribution to City's season than Ian after  being hit in the face by a wayward Walsh shot. Now a pundit with BBC Radio Wales.

 

Paul Wheeler? Pretend 'super sub'. The kind of pointless substitution you make in a game of 'Championship Manager 2' in the 89th minute because you are either bored, haven't got a clue or have to be seen to be doing something when you're three nil down. Wheeler was a player whose level of performance occasionally rose above risible.  His Wikipedia page says he joined Cardiff after a trial. It doesn't mention if it was a trial for crimes against football.

 

Steve Lynex? Often put in the kind of performance you would expect from a man who had had some bad health news the previous day. 

A DVD of edited highlights of his career at Cardiff (duration: 4m) is shown as a 'Scare them straight' video for wayward young professionals at Premiership clubs. Lynex was blown up at a Bonfire Night Party after finishing with Cardiff. Accident? You tell me.

Kelly, Tupling, Wimbleton, Walsh, Wheeler, Lynex? Their commitment was never in doubt, and they never let the opposition panic them into playing football.

Nigel Stevenson is also a former Bluebird 'great' that many older supporters will remember as a 'defender'. Some say he was unfairly treated that season and wasn't given the opportunity to show what he could do (which was irreparable damage to our fight against relegation).


Nigel Stephenson's current whereabouts  are unknown. Contributed to the successful fight against relegation by leaving the club. 

He stepped down to non-league with Merthyr, a unique move in that it was generally thought to strengthen both teams.

Many familiar phrases routinely used by football scribes were first coined in relation to Stephenson's performances. These include 'wrong footed'. 'missed tackle', 'given acres of space by', ' then finished easily', 'own goal'. 

The relationship between the players and supporters was often strained and it was said that most fans saw a ‘meet the players’ session as less of an opportunity to get an autograph and more of a chance to get a punch in. 

There were some good players, of course, like Jimmy Gilligan, Ian Rodgerson, Nicky Platnauer and, perhaps, Terry Boyle. Not world beaters as we wanted them to be but adequate.

Jimmy Gilligan is now something to do with England. He lives there.

Terry Boyle, signed for Swansea the very next year. It was a record breaking transfer for the Swans in that it generated more complaints to the Swansea Evening Post than any other transfer in living memory. Alan Curtis joined him Boyle at Swansea and is still there.
 

Instead of taking City to the next level, this team took Cardiff back to the Division Four the following season when they were relegated.  The squad was the subject of death threats before a European Cup Winners Cup game against Derry City, many of them from their own fans.

 

Jimmy Gillian
 

It is fair to say that this period was one of considerable financial penury at Ninian Park. There were many cutbacks. Indeed, Chairman Tony Clemo even had to give up his pre-match superstition of leaving £50 on the floor of the referee’s dressing room which had brought much luck in the past. Results, unsurprisingly, suffered.

Manager, Frank Burrow's, having given up on a play-off spot in August, gave inspirational team talks said to end with the words, 'Remember, if we go a goal down, that's it.'

 

Remarkably, one win out of the last 5 matches was enough to avoid relegation.

An unforgettable line-up for all the wrong reasons, which strangely looks as bad on paper.  There were, of course, to be worse Cardiff teams but they were kind of likeable, so everything is forgiven by 2016 (kind of)

Burrows would return in the late 90s to oversee another promotion and then take the club to the brink of yet another relegation before bailing out again. His stint in charge from 1998-2000 being unique in that he both enhanced and damaged his reputation with City fans.

 

In fact, Burrows spent his first three months back in charge in 1998 watching other teams (as did most City fans) on the look out for new players.

 

Bonus Bad Mouth - Championship Manager 2

The transfer of Kevin Bartlett inspired this rant if not the whole magazine. Written from the viewpoint of a committed fan, with little or no understanding of the financial realities at the club, or perhaps, living in denial of them.

Bartlett was a very effective, pacey striker whose transfer cost the team a top half finish but probably did keep the club in business. Even so, a potential Bluebirds legend is now a mere footnote in the club's history.

Bartlett was transformed by Burrows from a hopeless, injury addled non-leaguer to middling First Division striker with Notts County. Frank Burrows was adept at resuscitating the careers of forlorn players struggling to stay in the game. Paul Wimbleton and Jimmy Gilligan are other examples.

 

He had to be; fit, in form players wouldn’t dream of coming to the club.

I'm not sure but I think City got a measly £60,000 from West Brom for Bartlett so I was further aggrieved years later when they were touting him for £935,000 on ‘Championship Manager 2’.

Speaking of ‘Championship Manager’, it’s worth pausing to consider a review of the game I wrote a year or so later. Of course, the franchise has improved immeasurably in its various iterations.  In my mind, it achieved the very height of realism in 2012 when a friend boasted that he had taken Newport County to the Champions’ League title.

This, of course, is the appeal. For, in their heart, what football supporter doesn’t believe that their team could compete with the best if only the right man was in charge? (i.e. me.) Why else would you support a team?

As it happens, I was asked to provide the player ratings for 'Championship manager 2' for Cardiff City which I promise I did fairly and dispassionately. It would be a tough ask to start the game in Cardiff City mode.  Almost unplayable.

A fact I can attest to, as on the day I received my free copy of the game as reward I flunked to a 4-0 opening day home defeat to a Jason Peake inspired Rochdale.  Peake put in a performance to rival Ryan Giggs that day.  Peake's ludicrously over rated attribute ratings in the game also rivalled Giggs. Whoever set the Rochdale player ratings was a bloody cheat.

Here's my experience of playing an earlier Atari ST football simulation game called 'Football Manager'.

 

Eddie May Ousted As Jimmy Case And Bryan Robson Sign For Cardiff In Early Hours Drama!

I recently spent a week in bed ill and the only relief from the pain and the delirium was a computer game called “Championship Manager". You are the manager; you pick the team, buy the players then you sit back and watch them lose. A bit like Eddie May really, except he's called the Coach, of course.

I quickly ousted Eddie May from the hot seat. He was only keeping it warm for me, and set about the job of taking City from the bottom of the League to the top. One of the good things about Football manager is that it lists the real players. Yes, Pikey, Gibbins, Blakey, Cohen, they were all there. They stormed to an opening day's 3-0 defeat at Northampton.

The players have a rating of between I and 9 on all of their abilities. Most of the City players' ratings were pathetic twos and threes with a very unhealthy dose of ones. It was a shame but they had to go if City were to get anywhere.

To add to all this realism I put in a speculative bid for Carl Dale only to be met with the dreaded response "Carl Dale is not interested in joining your team." Well, sod him then. I was also peeved to find out that Notts County were asking £935,000 for Kevin Bartlett - cheeky buggers.

I mimicked the tactics of Len Ashurst. I sold freely to avoid a cash crisis and brought in players of no fixed ability for pitiful sums. The City roared lo 24th in the table, were knocked out of all the cups in the 1st rounds (In the FA Cup by non-league Welling -at Ninian Park, shee!) and reduced league attendances to crisis level. I was sacked.

Like Len, I returned, promising the 'Midas touch' to an imaginary press conference. Some shrewd transfer work built up a sizeable stash at the bank and there were deals that brought the likes of Jimmy Case and Bryan Robson, no less, to the club. We flew to promotion, pausing only to take the Autoglass Trophy and the F.A. Cup. A unique treble.

At this stage the computer was losing its grip on reality as Arsenal were relegated to the Second Division and Everton to the Third. However, Blackburn were League Champions.
Flushed with success my softer side emerged, I brought back Nathan Blake (on reflection, I might have bought Noel Blake by mistake as players were only identified by their initials) for old times sake and even bought Ken De Mange. He scored some important goals from midfield. And we appreciated those goals but a £500,000 bid from Plymouth saw Ken pack his imaginary bags.

I was on the verge of a play-off place to the First Division when I noticed that it was 4.30am. I had also developed a habit of cheering loudly at victory and swearing at defeat.

To heighten the reality, I had taken to supplying my own crowd noises.

With the sound of parents and neighbours alike beating on the walls and calling for quiet, I accepted the Manager of the Month Award and retired to bed.

The picture of Kevin Bartlett was photocopied from a newspaper and enlarged to the point where cheapness disguises itself as art.