Leo's Fortunes Go West
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| "Cardiff are crap" |
September 8th 2000. Rotherham striker Leo Fortune-West initially turns down an offer to join Cardiff City after the two clubs seemingly agreed a deal for the player.
The 6ft 4ins striker declined to join the Ninian Park outfit. Speaking to reporters the 6ft 5ins player said. "No, I'm not joining Cardiff City. They are crap."
Cardiff manager, Bobby Gould, tried to clarify the situation for supporters. "The player said no. Leo Fortune-West is not coming to Ninian Park." He said of the 6ft 6ins striker.
When asked what attributes had attracted him to the player, Gould replied, "Well, he's f***ing massive for a kick off."
"This is more important to me than skill or finesse when thinking about a player," Gould said of the 6ft 7ins striker.
Gould was in the market for a striker to replace Dai Thomas who had led the attack in Europe the previous season. Thomas was facing a ban from all football grounds in England and Wales for six years so was unlikely to feature in the first team that season.
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| Blimp sans legend |
Cardiff chairhamam, Sam Hammam, was unavailable for comment but associates of the Lebanese millionaire intimated that a giant inflatable blimp sporting the legend," Yes, 6ft 8ins Leo Fortune-West is signing for Cardiff City," had been released over Swansea City centre that afternoon.
There were doubts about how 6ft 9ins Leo Fortune-West would fit into the team. There were doubts about how he would fit into his kit.
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| Add a couple of noughts |
Hammam's elevation to Cardiff chairhamam saw Fortune-West value rocket from £35,000 to £300,000 and height rocket from 6ft 4ins to 6ft 9ins. It was a valuation ex-Cardiff horror story and Rotherham manager, Ronnie Moore described as 'nuts to turn down'. The negotiations with Cardiff had gone better than expected, with Moore conceding that Hammam was an 'easy touch'. Praising Hammam's generosity, Moore enthused, "It's as if Cardiff's money wasn't his!"
Hammam defended the inflated fee by declaring that he had more money than sense and would be asking for the money back after he'd finished with the club.
22nd in command, Billy Ayre, was also unavailable for comment. He had been locked in the lavatory since August Bank Holiday Monday, apparently part of the agreement that brought the Hammam 'millions' to Ninian Park.
Friends of Ayre (real people not a Charity) urged him to study small print more carefully in future.
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| I loves the 'Diff, me |
September 9th 2000. In a shock move, designed to be irritating, Leo Fortune-West sensationally signed for Cardiff City. Less than 24 hours earlier, Fortune-West told reporters that he'd rather have his nipples removed with hot pincers than join Bobby Gould at Ninian Park, although Gould was convinced he could talk the player round.
"Cardiff is a team I have always wanted to join for the money," said the 5ft 4in striker.
Bobby Gould, however, is relieved of first team duties after less than two months in charge. He is elevated to position of General Manager in charge of "other football matters." Or was that any matter other than football?
During the interregnum between the appointment of Alan Cork, Roy Hodgson is ludicrously touted for both the England and Cardiff City jobs in the same week.
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